I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
