he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
