Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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