I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
