They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
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