all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Michael Bay diarrhea
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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