Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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