If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
