Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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