i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
