worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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