Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
