I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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