he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
