I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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