didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
