I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
