its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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