I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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