I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
