You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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