my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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