I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
