Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
