I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
