You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
