if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
