Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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