I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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