I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
