So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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