I'm going to jail i love you
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
