I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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