i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Enjoy the penises
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