you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
