I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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