it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
