I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
