My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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