weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Randomize
