so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
