I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
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