dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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