at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
