I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
