Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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