For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
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you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
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There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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