It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
