Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
