D3 body, D1 cock
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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