My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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