jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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