So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
