She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
