Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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