your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
