Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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