theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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