I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
