literally had 100 drinks last night.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
