Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
