who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
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