the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
