maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
