i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
