"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
